


anything for you

by jenhyung



Series: heartbreak hotel [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-11
Updated: 2018-07-11
Packaged: 2019-06-08 23:10:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15254121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jenhyung/pseuds/jenhyung
Summary: Even if it hurts. — Yuta / Jaehyun (College!AU)





	anything for you

**Author's Note:**

> 1k+ of this was another mistake ;; (also another prompt from twitter so, don't take this too seriously ;;) not betaed, not good

It’s only when Yuta’s placing them into a recycled cardboard box that he realizes how much of Jaehyun’s stuff is still in his apartment. Even after a week of packing things up, Yuta still finds enough to fit more than just a single box – four pullovers and three pairs of boxers, his extra pair of glasses (the ones he doesn’t wear out, deeming them too gawky and wearing them only in the comfort of Yuta’s presence), a couple of his JLPT books, a handful of highlighters, his toothbrush and face wash, and one side of a pair of navy blue socks.

It’s a lot to deal with on a lonely Friday night, and Yuta finds himself unable to dig through the rest of his closet space for anymore of Jaehyun’s belongings. When Jaehyun’d started to leave his things at the apartment, Yuta was happy. He was _delighted_ , to say the least. He wanted to find Jaehyun’s pullovers tucked between his, he was ecstatic to have Jaehyun’s books littered across his desk.

Though now, he’s really regretting not clearing out a drawer just for Jaehyun, because it’s a lot more painful, going through things they’d shared.

He deliberates if it were ethical if he were to keep one of Jaehyun’s pullovers for himself, the pink one Jaehyun wore everywhere – as a keepsake, something that’s soaked up in the happiest of memories, something that Yuta could hug to sleep, a rubbish replacement for the person he loved so hard.

He doesn’t want to go through any more of their things, but he still will anyway, because Jaehyun wanted all of his things back. He’d yelled so a week ago, and Yuta would do anything for Jaehyun, even if it means sifting through old handwritten letters that widened the crack in his heart.

“Stop it,” he mutters, shaking his head in vain hope that the thoughts of Jaehyun would leave too. Really, they never do. “Don’t – be an idiot.”

But from his peripheral, Jaehyun’s purple toothbrush sits silently atop the pile of his things, and Yuta reaches for it without thinking. If he wanted to take something, he should take something Jaehyun wouldn’t notice were missing. The pink pullover would be too obvious; Yuta’d tried to take it even back when they were still – together, Jaehyun would want it back, of course.

They’re no longer together, after all.

The doorbell rings, shrill and disturbing in the quiet evening.

 _Must be Doyoung_ , Yuta thinks. His best friend’s been checking on him far too often, no matter how much Yuta appreciates the home-cooked food and the lap to cry on. He wonders what Doyoung would say, if he knew Yuta were thinking of keeping one of Jaehyun’s pullovers. He’d probably wrestle Yuta for it and burn it over the kitchen stove, in front of his very own eyes.

Seconds after he’s flinging the door open, expecting an armful of prepacked dinner to be shoved in his face, Yuta finds that it is _not_ Doyoung. Yuta finds, three seconds later, because his mind is too addled, that it’s Jaehyun instead, breathless with wind swept hair.

Jaehyun and his cheeks, patchy with a charming hue of scarlet.

Yuta’s breath catches another second too late.

Jaehyun licks his lips, holding a hand to the door, as if Yuta would have it in him to shut the door on the person that could very well be his soulmate, his _The One_ ,

“I’m not giving up.”

Yuta blinks, adrenaline coursing through him, not yet registering the situation, “Huh?”

“I’m – not giving up.” Jaehyun pushes his way into the apartment, a whirlwind of emotions. Yuta turns robotically, staring at the boy standing before him, hands to his sides, feet apart. Confidence.

Jaehyun takes a deep breath, long and shuddery, but his gaze is fixed resolutely on Yuta, eyes glinting with tenacity. “I – came back, because I’m not giving up. I know you have to leave in two months, but I don’t care.” He chews on his bottom lip, “I love you. I love you and – I’m not going to give up.”

“Jaehyun,” he whispers, heart surging at the name, the name he’s refused to speak over the past week. “We’ve already been through this, it’s just not smart to – ”

“I’m sorry, but _no_ – ” Jaehyun clenches his fists, “I know what you’re going to say, and I’m going to say I _don’t_ care.” Yuta swallows thickly, already feeling a squeeze in his chest. “I’m going to finish my degree, I only have a year left, and I’ll meet you in Japan, I’ll –  I want to. So, wait for me, because I’m not – letting you go.”

Yuta grips the toothbrush in his hand, “You can’t.” He has to look to the ceiling, unable to fight Jaehyun’s level of self-assurance, “You’re too young to be making a decision like this, you can’t just – decide to up and leave just like that, you can’t do this for – ”

“I’m young,” Jaehyun agrees. More than that, he seems to have already thought it all through, “I’m young and it’s the right time for me to make mistakes, for me to – gain new experiences, for me to – do what I want to do.” He heaves, “I want to be with you. I _know_ I want to be with you.”

“That isn’t – ” Yuta refuses to let Jaehyun sway him, “I’ll never forgive myself if I ruined your life, alright, you just _can’t_ – ”

“And I’ll never forgive myself if I let this chance go.” Jaehyun closes the gap between them, closing his hands around Yuta’s, “I told you, the – university has a year-long internship program for business students, and it’s based in Osaka, and there’s proper housing options and a good enough pay.” He mumbles, “I can apply and – I can _try_ , Yuta, I can – I can try my hardest, even if it just means one more year with you.”

Yuta closes his eyes, trying not to let the smell of Jaehyun’s cologne rid him of his morality.

He would do anything for Jaehyun, even if it means letting him go,

“ _Please_ don’t – please don’t risk your future for – ”

“Then say it straight, that you want me to stop,” Jaehyun’s voice shakes, broken. “Don’t warn me about what could happen, because I know. I _know_ what could happen, so don’t tell me that again.” He fights, “If you’re saying what I think you’re saying, then _say_ it.”

“Say that you don’t even want me to apply to a program that could actually be good for me, that – you don’t even want me to try and make things work between us, that _you’ve_ given up, that you don’t – ”

“That you don’t want me – anymore.”

Yuta gnaws on the inside of his cheek, tears welling up behind his eyelids. He parts his lips to speak, but nothing surfaces, as if cotton’s been shoved down his throat, dry and perfectly useless.

Jaehyun remains silent, breathing shallow.

“You can’t say that – it’s not _fair_.” Yuta gasps, struggling not to drown, “You can’t – pin it all on me when I just – when I’m thinking about what would be the best decision – for _you_.”

“That’s not – ”

“You can’t make it sound like it’s not hard for me – ” Yuta grips the toothbrush so hard it threatens to snap in his hands. “Like it’s _easy_ for me – to try and let you go. To – to tell you to stay here when I have to go back, as if I – want to leave you. As if I _wanted_ to break up, as if I don’t – want you, you can’t say that, you _can’t_ – ”

“Then stop pushing me away.” Jaehyun releases his hands to take him by the cheeks, a silent plea for Yuta to _please look at me_. “Stop pushing me away, and stop trying to convince me to give up when you don’t _want_ me to give up, when you haven’t given up either.”

With a hit of courage, a fleeting moment, Yuta opens his eyes to Jaehyun’s tear filled ones. He drops the toothbrush, digging his fingers into Jaehyun’s waist, breathing in his exhales, heart taking the reins, forget the concept of morality.

_Is this what you really want?_

“We can try, can’t we?” Jaehyun asks tenderly, trying to offer a weak smile. “I want – I want us to work, I can’t imagine life without – ” he stutters, “And I want to give it a shot, and – and you want it too, right?”

Yuta nods, failing to grasp a hold of his senses. It’s the truth that comes out, “I do, of course, I – want you.”

Without a second to spare, Jaehyun kisses him as if their lives are on the line, impatient and heated, pushing Yuta back until he bumps into the door to the apartment, eliciting a quiet groan. A small apology is heard, and Yuta reads a sense of _relief_ before his mind completely turns to goo – and he can’t help but be guilty.

Here Jaehyun is – trying, and trying, and _trying_ for them both, not just to do what they both truly wanted to be done, but even having to go so far as to coax Yuta into it. All because he’s too stubborn to let himself believe that good things _can_ happen, too afraid of wrecking Jaehyun’s future, too – too _scared_ to selfishly admit that he wanted Jaehyun to make the move too, even if it were only for a year, even if it were not to work out, even if what he has been saying hadn’t at all matched the thoughts in his mind.

“I love you,” Jaehyun tells him, unaware of Yuta’s belated realization.

“I promise,” Yuta says instead, tapping Jaehyun lightly on the chest to have his undivided attention.

“And this isn’t an empty promise, but I’m going to do it too – I’m going to try my hardest, so – ” Jaehyun holds his breath, “Apply for the program, finish your degree. I’ll – wait for you, I’ll find an apartment for us and – I’ll make sure it’s close to wherever you get posted, and I’ll try my hardest –

“Because I’m not giving up either.”

Jaehyun lets out a long sigh with a faint laugh that follows, “You – you’ll wait for me?”

“Without a doubt.” Yuta tips forward to press his lips to Jaehyun’s, “I – I’m sorry I didn’t – sooner, about what I wanted – I just thought – it would be better for you, even though it – wasn’t what _I_ wanted. I was just trying to make sure you weren’t making a mistake.”

“It won’t be a mistake. Even if it – ” he grimaces, “Doesn’t work out – it won’t be a mistake.”

“Then I promise,” Yuta returns. “And I won’t – push you away, if you’re sure.”

Jaehyun’s dimples dip, “I’m sure. I’ll hold you to that promise – no more talk on giving up? Promise?”

“Okay,” Yuta can do that much. He would do anything for Jaehyun,

“I promise.”

**Author's Note:**

> [twitter](https://twitter.com/jenhyungs) | [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/jenhyung)
> 
> related to [this](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15225849/chapters/35624742/) johnil short!


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